© Vaclav Mach

The New Years weekend is winding down.  Every year it brings a sense of renewal, cleansing and hope.

Today’s verse from theDailyBibleVerse.com is

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23

I know that at times I certainly did not take that seriously and then have gone to the extreme, guarding it in unhealthy ways.  This New Years God really spoke to me about the need to take risks and step out of my comfort zone.  In response to a high concentration of heartbreak, disappointment and regret I withdrew and thought that a quieter life was safer.

But God created us to live in community. I don’t believe he designed us to walk through life alone.  This morning I was reading Jonah.  When God told him to go to Ninevah Jonah went in the opposite direction. We all know how well that turned out for him.  I know that fear can make me do the opposite of what I feel God has called me to do.  At times I fear failure,  I fear being hurt or being judged.

In defining moments of life we can chose to go back to the place we were or courageously lean into them, trusting God to see us through.

I am choosing to live courageously this year.  I am going to go to places I will be uncomfortable.  I am going to do things that seem scary to me.  I am going to wait expectantly on God.

What about you?  How are you choosing to live this year?

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I remember waking up and seeing the first tower on fire.  It felt surreal as I watched the other plane fly into the other tower.

That morning started me on a journey that would turn my world upside down.  Just ten days later I walked off plane and into New York City.  As part of a team from my church, we were there to do what little we could and identify ways to invest the money our congregation had so generously donated.

New York had always been one of my favorite places full of energy, people and lots of noises.  This time the city was quiet, very quiet,  There was a stillness, a deep sadness.  Nothing could really prepare you for the sorrow of the site or for the smell of lower Manhattan.  That smells stills comes to me once in awhile.  It was a mixture of death, fire and smoke.  It oddly reminded me of old coffee grounds.

In the quietness of the city I saw a picture of the heart of America.  People from all over pouring in to help however they could.  Serving food, talking and listening to people trying to find their loved ones.  The memorial wall of people who were missing and the loved ones mourning their loss.

Walking into the site I would see ashes, broken buildings and the ground a sea of crumbled papers, pieces of people’s lives.  Across the street would be still, perfect and empty buildings. I felt like I was walking through a war zone but it was NYC.

I spent a day in the pit, talking, praying and listening.  I oddly felt out of place.  It felt like a man’s world.  Other team members went in to the morgue and ministered to the workers.  I sat in the cafeteria, outside where that big tribute to the firefighters stood and listened to firemen and workers process what was happening.

The most meaningful thing we did during that trip was working with the Salvation Army.  I sat for hours in a building on Wall Street helping survivors fill out paperwork to get aid.  One by one, mostly men,  they sat in front of me and shared their story.  They cried and spoke in whispers of the coworkers they had lost.  One minute they were there and then they disappeared. The confusion of those moments and the loss they were feeling.  I can still see their faces and remember their stories.

I don’t know that I contributed much in those few days but the people I met and the sights I saw changed me forever.  I walked back into my life no knowing what the next weeks would require of me.  I came back with a strength and resolve that I would need in the days ahead.

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