‘Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.’ I John 4:18

Perfect love will cast out fear.

Fear is so powerful, isn’t it?  Fear is a feeling I know too well.  Growing up I was afraid of everything, food, animals, fears of being left, fears of not fitting in, all these things tormented me and controlled me.  If that wasn’t enough I was a Baptist preachers kid and grew up afraid of hell, fire and brimstone.  God was someone to be afraid of.  In Sunday School we talked and sang of God’s love but in “big church” grandpa pounded on the pulpit, and talked about hell, a lot.

I obeyed to avoid God’s wrath.  Then I entered high school where the desire to fit in outgrew the desire to obey God.  I wound up making really bad choices and in my twenties found myself far away from church.  Somewhere deep down I knew God loved me but I was broken and bruised. The consequence of my choices and the rejection of my church community was more than I could handle. For the first time in my life I went 3 years without stepping inside church and really, without God. It seemed safer that way.

God relentlessly pursued me over those years. My stubborn heart said no for a long time but there was emptiness in my soul that kept growing.  One day my mom mentioned a new group that was forming for singles at the church they were attending.  Usually I would shut her down and refuse to listen but this time it was different, my heart had started to soften.  I ended up at that first meeting and for some reason showed up the next week and the week after that.

I heard about God’s grace and love. God’s word pierced my battered heart and I started the process of healing.

There is a difference between where the Bible talks of fearing God in relationship to his authority and fearing God out of guilt.  If we are experiencing God’s love we should be walking in freedom, believing that He has redeemed us.  If we fear God out of guilt we miss experiencing his love for us.

For the Lord your God is living among you
He is a mighty savior
He will take delight in you with gladness
With his love, he will calm all your fears.
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

Zephaniah 3:17

His love for us calms our fears.   He takes delight in us.

These days fear creeps in when I let too must distance come between God and I.  My heart longs to experience his perfect love, to be intimate with my Lord.

What about you?  What fears are you struggling with?  What keeps you from experiencing God’s perfect love?

I am taking part in Rachel Olsen’s Devotional Carnival.  Check it out!

© Vaclav Mach

The New Years weekend is winding down.  Every year it brings a sense of renewal, cleansing and hope.

Today’s verse from theDailyBibleVerse.com is

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23

I know that at times I certainly did not take that seriously and then have gone to the extreme, guarding it in unhealthy ways.  This New Years God really spoke to me about the need to take risks and step out of my comfort zone.  In response to a high concentration of heartbreak, disappointment and regret I withdrew and thought that a quieter life was safer.

But God created us to live in community. I don’t believe he designed us to walk through life alone.  This morning I was reading Jonah.  When God told him to go to Ninevah Jonah went in the opposite direction. We all know how well that turned out for him.  I know that fear can make me do the opposite of what I feel God has called me to do.  At times I fear failure,  I fear being hurt or being judged.

In defining moments of life we can chose to go back to the place we were or courageously lean into them, trusting God to see us through.

I am choosing to live courageously this year.  I am going to go to places I will be uncomfortable.  I am going to do things that seem scary to me.  I am going to wait expectantly on God.

What about you?  How are you choosing to live this year?

We are in that space between Christmas and the New Year. You know what I mean.  A week of winding down and looking ahead at the same time. Dreaming big dreams for the year ahead.  Coming to terms with the dreams that did not transpire.

The concept of waiting has come up several times in the last few weeks.  In various areas of my life.  I think God is trying to tell me something or to get my attention.

In a new book I am reading by Sue Monk Kid, When the Heart Waits, she quotes a monk she met on a spiritual retreat.  When talking about waiting he said “You’re allowing your soul to grow up.  If you can’t be still and wait, you can’t become what you were created to be.”

Living in an instant gratification society where I can push a button and have a book on my Kindle in seconds, waiting does not come easy.  In the last few years  I have lost the ability to sit and be in the presence of God, with my mind not whirling on ahead of what needs to happen next.  But deep down my soul yearns for so much more.  My soul longs to be still and wait on God.

I remember the sweet times I used to have and wonder how I let them go.  I remember expecting God to do the miraculous in my life.  I can still tell you stories of the crazy and often sweet ways He revealed himself to me.  I had huge faith that all things were possible.

The great news is that God has not changed.  He is waiting for me with open arms.  He longs to reveal himself to me.  My soul longs to grow up and be all that God created me for.

What about you?  How is your soul?  What would life look like to learn to wait on God?

I remember waking up and seeing the first tower on fire.  It felt surreal as I watched the other plane fly into the other tower.

That morning started me on a journey that would turn my world upside down.  Just ten days later I walked off plane and into New York City.  As part of a team from my church, we were there to do what little we could and identify ways to invest the money our congregation had so generously donated.

New York had always been one of my favorite places full of energy, people and lots of noises.  This time the city was quiet, very quiet,  There was a stillness, a deep sadness.  Nothing could really prepare you for the sorrow of the site or for the smell of lower Manhattan.  That smells stills comes to me once in awhile.  It was a mixture of death, fire and smoke.  It oddly reminded me of old coffee grounds.

In the quietness of the city I saw a picture of the heart of America.  People from all over pouring in to help however they could.  Serving food, talking and listening to people trying to find their loved ones.  The memorial wall of people who were missing and the loved ones mourning their loss.

Walking into the site I would see ashes, broken buildings and the ground a sea of crumbled papers, pieces of people’s lives.  Across the street would be still, perfect and empty buildings. I felt like I was walking through a war zone but it was NYC.

I spent a day in the pit, talking, praying and listening.  I oddly felt out of place.  It felt like a man’s world.  Other team members went in to the morgue and ministered to the workers.  I sat in the cafeteria, outside where that big tribute to the firefighters stood and listened to firemen and workers process what was happening.

The most meaningful thing we did during that trip was working with the Salvation Army.  I sat for hours in a building on Wall Street helping survivors fill out paperwork to get aid.  One by one, mostly men,  they sat in front of me and shared their story.  They cried and spoke in whispers of the coworkers they had lost.  One minute they were there and then they disappeared. The confusion of those moments and the loss they were feeling.  I can still see their faces and remember their stories.

I don’t know that I contributed much in those few days but the people I met and the sights I saw changed me forever.  I walked back into my life no knowing what the next weeks would require of me.  I came back with a strength and resolve that I would need in the days ahead.

Today a new site for women went live.  It is called (in)courage and is from the folks at Dayspring.  It has some of my favorite bloggers writing for them.  I love how one said it is like we are around the table at a beach house.

They asked what encourages us?  Here a few things that came to mind.

Friends cheering me on and believing in me.  Friends who are there in the ups and downs of life.

Divine appointments from God.  Those unplanned and unexpected moments when you realize God orchestrated that moment just for you.  They are little blessings from the Lord to keep us going on our journey.

Seeing people find their place to serve.  Last year we started Community Outreach at our church and over 800 people came forward to be involved. I had goosebumps watching people come forward with their cards.

Hugs from Livi, Chase & Luke, my niece and nephews.  Just hanging with them encourages me.  They make me laugh or touch my heart with their words.  Sitting in church with them yesterday tears came to eyes.  Seeing them raised to love the Lord is priceless.

An unexpected note or email from a friend can lift my day instantly.  In the craziness of a day to open up an email with a work from a friend is food for our souls.

Yesterday I participated in The Prayer Project in Santa Ana.  It is a new initiative that is bringing together ministries and churches that work in Santa Ana.  People from over 107 churches in Orange County participated.

I work at Birth Choice, a non profit, and our corporate office and one of our clinics, are located in downtown Santa Ana.  More than 21% of Santa Ana’s residents live below the poverty line.  There are over 5,000 gang members operating in the city and teen pregnancy is rampant.  It is densely populated area with multiple families sometimes sharing an apartment.

We met at Santa Ana High School for a time of worship.  It was a bilingual service and I was overwhelmed at the worship that filled the auditorium.  After worship everyone divided up into 28 groups to move throughout the city and pray.

Our group went to Birth Choice  and then around the courthouse area.  I was humbled as this amazing group from Calvary Church in Santa Ana prayed and cried out to God on our behalf.

When we got the street I will confess I was a bit out of my comfort zone.  We were to spread out, arm to arm, and pray for revival in the city.  I am on the quiet side and a bit too worried some days about what others might think.  I knew at that moment I had a choice and I silently prayed to God for courage and boldness.  I surrendered myself to God and the process.

God met me there on the street and broke a few chains that have held me back.  It was exciting to see the people stream back in from all different directions.  I am excited to see what will happen.

“All people will come to you, because you hear and answer prayer.”  Psalm 65:2

Yesterday was the first of a year long prayer effort.  You can follow it on Facebook or Twitter.

I grew up with many fears.  One of them was of dogs, really all animals.  Let me just tell you that when you are afraid of dogs they find you and hunt you down.  I was chased on foot and chased on bikes.  My childhood friends could tell you stories.

As I grew up I conquered my fear of dogs but more on a tolerate basis.

I had thought about getting a dog for awhile, which was shocking to many of my family who didn’t really see me warming up to family dogs.  Then one Saturday morning I woke up and decided it was time.  After searching the local pound and a few stores I ended up getting a little Yorkiepoo I named Max.  Now, I will save you having to comment, I know it is not politically correct to buy a dog from a store, but I did.  They need to be rescued too.  As I drove home with Max sitting in his crate next to me I wondered what had I done?

That was three months ago.  The first week I was in over my head obsessing every day on how to give him back.  My mom and aunt must have sensed that and become very helpful and checked on him often. I felt trapped and tied down. I could not longer come and go at whim.  There was this little puppy waiting for me to come home and feed him.   I wondered if that is what it will feel like when I finally am in a relationship again.

Then a funny thing happened, I fell in love with Max.  He is the sweetest and funniest dog. He stole my heart with his cute little face.  I have a hard time getting things done because he comes over with his duck in his mouth wanting to play fetch.  There is something comforting in knowing that the little guy is sitting at my back door waiting for me to come home.  If I go outside for a minute and come back, he is as excited to see me as if I had been gone for hours.

I have thought about the many benefits

1.  Companionship – as Livi, my niece said “You won’t be alone when you go home anymore Aunt Cheri.”
2.  Physically -  since Max came home with me I have lost 7 pounds and we started walking each day. They say it is better for your heart and overall health to own a pet.
3.  Socially – owning a dog, especially a cute one, brings people to your feet, literally.  It has forced me to be more outgoing and I have met many people with Max at my side.
4.  Being more generous – being single can lend to being a bit self centered and selfish.  The responsibility of caring for Max makes me think about someone other than myself.
5.  Laughter – Max makes me laugh out loud everyday.  Right now he is on a mission to hide a treat which is very serious business in this household
6.  Unconditional Love – Max adores me, most of the time and that has filled a void in my life.

Man or woman, were not meant to live alone.  While I want to be married, that has not been in God’s plan at this point.  In the meantime it is nice to come home and be greeted by Max.

What we struggle with isn’t who we are.  That is a statement from the online study I am doing this summer.  Beth Moore is leading a group going through Jennifer Rothschild’s book Me, Myself and Lies.

Those words resonated with me because I spent much of my life letting my struggles and failures define me.  Let me tell you I had many to chose from.  Thankfully God redeems us.  He might, and often does, use our struggles to refine us but they don’t have to define us.  I am not the rebellious PK daughter, the bad girl any more .  Sadly, those words stay in our soul so much longer than  words of encouragement.  If we let him, the enemy uses those words to hold us back from who God created us to be.

We each hear different words, some of mine are:

• you will never be enough
• rebel, bad girl
• God will never forgive you

When I let myself be defined by those past struggles I tell myself I will never be enough or that I do not deserve better. I am saying I don’t believe God.

If I am believing God’s promises He says:

Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)

When I make a choice to believe the labels God has given me like redeemed, His daughter and forgiven, I have the courage to follow the desires he has placed in my heart.

It is a choice each day as to whose voice we will decide to hear.  This study is helping me be more conscious of that and to turn turn the switch off when those old voices scream.  I remember hearing once that the enemy screams while the Holy Spirit whispers.   I need to be still to hear those whispers and let them saturate my soul.

Proverbs 23:7 says as he thinketh in his heart, so is he..(KJV)

I do not want to me those old struggles.  I am longing to be the woman God created me to be. Who are you today?

A frivolous thing to give up but after the horrendous dumping of Melissa I have given up the Bachelor. I had given it up several seasons ago only to get drawn back in by his nice single guy story, along with 3 million other new viewers.  I felt dirty watching After the Rose last night.  My tuning in encourages the producers to continue with this craziness so I am voting with my tuner, tuning this out.

You are probably saying it’s a reality show, what do you expect.  Even though those girls choose to put themselves out there last night reached new lows even for The Bachelor.  I could read a book, spend time with friends, bake goodies to bring to work.  Those would all be more productive ways to spend a Monday evening. Watching the paint peel would be more productive than encouraging such poor treatment of women.

I don’t want my niece or nephews for that matter to think that it is ok to be treated or to treat a women so poorly.  I want them to be thoughtful and respectful, to have a strong sense of self and to believe they deserve better.

Thats all I have to say.  Hopefully others will vote with their remote too.

Have you ever noticed when you decide to focus on something everywhere you go there it is?  Everywhere you go people are talking about simplifying and where to trim back.

Today, on her show, Oprah focused on what people could live without.  Two families went a week without consuming.  Both families came away with similar learnings.  They spent more time as a family, talked more and grew closer. Two teen boys talked about how it been two years since they sat down and ate dinner as family and the realization at what they had missed out on.

Being a techno geek it is hard to imagine no computer or no television.  Having just moved I am very aware of the stuff I have accumulated,  all by myself.  Stuff doesn’t make me happier and it doesn’t enrich my life. There are those moments at the counter as I am paying for something that I feel like maybe it will but that is the lie we believe.

I was convicted hearing one woman share about the food that spoils and doesn’t get used.  Being single and cooking for a blog my good intentions often get put aside and I have thrown out more food than I’d care to admit.  So many people go to sleep hungry every night.

The act of giving up, whether it is our choice or not, can bring us much more in return. Each of us has the chance to start new and choose differently today.  I know I need to reflect more on what changes I should make  but I decided to make the following changes right away:

• Have a plan and shop only once a week with a list. This would save gas, impulse spending and time.

• Be realistic in what I will actually cook after work. Cook more on the weekend for the week ahead and only buy what I am sure I will cook or eat.

• Bring my lunch 4 days a week, which brings me back to planning ahead. Make lunches on Sunday so I don’t have to think about it when I come home tired and uninspired. This will save me $30-$40 a week.  That adds up!

• To go one day a week where I spend no money. This will help me be aware of what I could save and how I waste money.

I was thinking that this economy allows people that moment to make a choice to return to simpler times.  Every one is doing it, there is nothing to be ashamed of.  It might be the opportunity we all were hoping for.

What things in your life could you give up?